Bees aplenty

The Worst Lady, with bees in both garden and bonnet.

Moqtada al-Sadr given American citizenship

The Times Online reports that, in Iraq, “American Shia cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, is negotiating a merger with Mr al-Maliki’s State of Law, which would create the biggest parliamentary bloc”.

The Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President, meanwhile, was in Afghastlystan at the weekend to discuss Jihad, corruption and drug trafficking with Hamid Karzei and to work out ways for both to do more of all three.

Earth Hour

It is with great regret that the mainstream media reports the sad death of a “suspected” Somali pirate, shot by security men defending a vessel from attack. He died bravely, just doing his job to the best of his ability. Sad, sad, sad. Frit would shed a tear at this point but he has to go fix up a lot of lights around the house to watch tomorrow’s Earth Hour by.

UK expels Israeli diplomat - logical, it's an arab country

If it’s true that Israelis “cloned” a passport in order to rid the planet of a monstrous being, Frit condemns them heartily as they could readily have borrowed his. Frit is now setting up the “Passports for Pali-Arab’s Just Deserts” appeal in which his readers are requested to volunteer their passports for a pool to be placed at the disposal of Israeli agents busy doing the necessary job nobody else will do. The owner of each passport used in a successful liquidation gets the free Mossad hooded sweatshirt shown.

Heroic Mussulmanics nail that dangerous Thai

Last week, a heroic Mussulmanic bunch was quick to claim responsibility for murdering a young Thai worker busy watering plants in a greenhouse in Israel. “We did it! We did it! We’re brave and fierce”, they proudly proclaimed, seemingly unaware of the presence in Gaza of the European Union’s terrifying high representative for foreign affairs and security policy, Barrenness Ashton of Upholland, who told reporters she had come to the region to “talk with people and politicians about the need to find a picture of peace and security” (Frit always thought politicians were people too). The rational Israeli response to the murder of this Thai would be to do away with a whole load of blameless Eskimos.

Iran’s Ayatollah Alec Ham n’ Eggy, in the meantime, has flatly told the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President to shove his latest offer to lick that individual’s boots before allowing him to trample all over America in them. This is because Alec Ham n’ Eggy knows that western leaders “have lost faith in their own culture, are in thrall to an ideological aversion to war, have lost the moral capacity to distinguish between right and wrong, victim and aggressor” as Melanie Phillips so rightly puts it.

The picture shows Alec Ham n’ Eggy attempting to convince a short madman that he’s tall and sane.

Free services from the Medicine Man

Frit congratulates the American people on having at long last obtained free health care despite one of life’s most obvious of rules being that if a thing is free it is free because it is crap. Never mind, as long as it’s free. The picture shows American doctors in one of the new hospitals performing alternative surgery, i.e. getting an illness to go away by chanting gibberish at it, for free.

Genocide

Unhappy about certain infidel having the gall to suggest that the Turks murdered a large number of Armenians 100 years ago, Mussulmanic fundamentalist ruler of the Ottoman Empire Recep Tayyip Erdogan, known to himself as Suleiman the Magnificent, His Imperial Majesty Grand Sultan, Commander of the Faithful and Successor of the Prophet of the Lord of the Universe, says he might now tell 100,000 Armenians currently living in that empire as illegal immigrants that it’s time to go back to their own country. “They are not my citizens. I am not obliged to keep them in my country”, says he. In Frit’s view, this would be a splendid opportunity for us, the countries of Christendom, to likewise tell the untold numbers of Ottomans and other assorted Mussulmanics illegally living in our lands (like the auntie of the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President, for instance) that we are not obliged to keep them in our countries either. Especially as, unlike the Armenians in Turkey, they have not come to Christendom to work.

Marriage

As Mrs Frit pointed out to Frit only this morning, on their 38th wedding anniversary, a man should be proud to be married to a woman who always thinks so highly of all his stupid opinions.

NEW ISLAM

Frit is sick of reading things like the “Ruling on initiating the greeting of salaam with Jews and Christians, and how to push them to the narrowest part of the road”, and “May He annihilate this filthy people who have neither religion nor conscience. I condemn whoever believes in normalizing relations with them, whoever supports sitting down with them, and whoever believes that they are human beings. They are not human beings. They are not people. They have no religion, no conscience, and no moral values”.

Therefore, in his efforts to patch things up between nice enlightened western folks and horrible Mussulmanic throwbacks, Frit has decided the best idea is to found NEW ISLAM. New Islam is a new, modernized version of Islam that features no negative intentions towards other religions and has no goal of world domination. Frit invites all right-thinking Mussulmanics of the world to forsake fusty and outdated Old Islam and sign up to NEW ISLAM. Adherents are not required to cut off anyone’s head or clitoris or to be overly friendly with either children or livestock. They need not forgo music and jokes nor treat women like dirt and generally live as if we are still in the 6th century. Join NEW ISLAM today. It is the Islam of the modern age. It respects others and is enjoyable to practice. NEW ISLAM, the pleasanter Islamic option.

Pictured: Mussulmanic women overjoyed at having opportunity to change over to the new invisible burqa of NEW ISLAM – chic, fun to wear and entirely voluntary!

Mussulmen short of water in which to drown their women

Reading that Syria is facing a water crisis, Frit urges the Syrians not to worry too much as it is now very clear that aging Hectomillionairess Hillary Rod’em Clinton, US presidential advisor David al-Aqsarod and the rest of the talented US team clearly believe that water shortage problems in the Middle East can easily be solved by simply finding a suitable river down which to sell Israel.

In Frit’s view, the Israelis must now cease building houses in East Jerusalem so that the world sees this brings no peace. Then the Israelis must abandon Jerusalem altogether so the world sees this brings no progress either. Then they must abandon all their territory except for a square meter of dessert somewhere so the world sees this also yields nothing. Then they must abandon that last square meter and go live on the moon so the world can see the Pale Stinians turning the entire country into rubble amidst which they then busy themselves trying to make rockets that can kill people at that distance whilst calling for the return of “their” moon.

Kissing

In Dubai, a British couple have been sentenced to a month's imprisonment for indecency after a local woman took objection to them kissing on the lips in a restaurant. Sentencing them, the judge said that, under Sharia law, ass is the only thing the infidel is allowed to kiss in Mussulmanic lands.

Color fads

Frit reads that Wal-Mart is in trouble for dropping the price of black Barbies to almost half that of white Barbies due to lack of demand. Frit had a similar experience recently when he shamelessly tried to cash in on the recent earthquakes by selling miniature models of Haitians and Chileans buried under rubble to journalists. The Haitian versions sold like hot cakes but there was very little interest in the Chileans, even at reduced prices.

Allah writes name on fish

Frit has learned that the divorce rate amongst adult male Warmers is so high that, during their lifetimes, male Warmers probably have even more wives than male Mussulmanics. This could obviously be a direct source of conflict between the two groups as the number of women on the planet is finite. By way of trying to avoid this and to bring the two groups closer together, Frit’s people have now succeeded in crossing a Warmer with a Mussulmanic in the laboratory. The result, known as a Wussulmanic, is a truly miserable wretch who eats no meat, drinks nothing but instant coffee and goes around compulsively falsifying data on the number of times he throws his shoes at somebody in the belief that this has something to do with reducing carbon footprints.

Searching Google images for a picture to go with “carbon” and “Allah” turns up this intelligent individual displaying an eggplant with “Allah” miraculously written inside it. Then there is the case of the Oscar fish with “Mohammed” written on one side and “Allah” on the other . . .

International Women's Day passes without incident, phew!

International Women's Day seems to have passed off with bodies like the United Nations saying a lot of things like “International Women's Day is the story of ordinary women as makers of history; it is rooted in the centuries-old struggle of women to participate in society on an equal footing with men,” but saying very little about the women in Mussulmanic countries where no such equal footing exists and none is ever intended and where they are busy, for instance, debating theological concepts such as the raping of women in captivity, saying “It may, superficially, appear distasteful to copulate with a woman who is not a man’s legal wife, but once Shariat makes something lawful, we have to accept it as lawful, whether it appeals to our taste, or not”. They just have to grin and bear it then.

The Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President also chipped in to humour all the lefty ladies, saying that women in America still face unfairness and hardship, and he vowed to fight for gender equality, but not in Iran. Making her own contribution to this important day, Harridan Harlot, loony British “Equality Minister”, is threatening to force companies to do more to appoint female directors. As Frit has said in a previous post – go found a company and appoint as many female directors as you like. But that would mean going onto the field and playing in the real game instead of making a good living standing on the sidelines impressing the gullible and the young with dippy ideas. The picture shows Afghaslystani women enjoying the great day in question.

Nice kind people

This weekend, having decided that the snowy conditions were just too dire to go anywhere in their car, Frit and Mrs. Frit left it in the garage and went to the shops on foot for safety’s sake. So neither were best pleased when two colliding vehicles slid onto the sidewalk and Mrs. Frit fell over trying to avoid injury. Frit attempted to point out to one of the drivers concerned that the accident was not the fault of the road nor the fault of the vehicle “for leaving the road”, as he wanted Frit to see it, but the fault of the dolt driving the vehicle, whereupon two passing nice kind people who are so much better and more perfect than Frit intervened to defend the driver, assuring Frit, busy picking up Mrs. Frit and dusting her down, that accidents happen. This incident, plus many years of painstaking observation at the wheel, has convinced Frit that at least 80 percent of human beings are plainly too stupid to be put in charge of motor vehicles. It also convinced Frit that nice kind people who are so much better and more perfect than Frit can be aggressive fucking nuisances in their niceness. They somehow just can’t keep their niceness to themselves.

Wet balrogs

Further to a recent post concerning the destruction of the town of Staufen im Breisgau in Germany at the hands of warming fundamentalists, frit notes that drilling for green heat in Wiesbaden in Germany produced another such disaster recently. When drilling operations reached the level where the balrogs run about, it was water, not heat, which came upwards. And in quantity. Then there is the house at http://www.welt.de/vermischtes/article4094936/Kamen.html

Damp rag

Stiltskin Van Rumpel, appointed King of Europe precisely because nobody in Europe has ever heard of him and never will, appears to be bothering those who appointed him by trying to actually behave like the King of Europe. Meanwhile, the British member of the European Parliament who told Van Rumpel he has “all the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low-grade bank clerk” has been fined 2,700 pounds by that parliament. This is presumably because an unelected individual who is paid 353,950.00 Euros of taxpayer money per year is entitled not to be called names. Or is it because the correct version is “the charisma of a low-grade bank clerk and the appearance of a damp rag”.

Fatwa

A leading British Mussulmanic “scholar” has issued a 600-page fatwa condemning terrorists as the enemies of Mussulmanicism. In reply, Frit has issued his own fatwa against Mussulmanic “scholars” who make a good living trying to have us believe the Devil is not as black as painted.

Why is the word FATWA mostly made up of WTF without a question mark?

Brown frowns on hari-kari

Unelected Prime Minister of Britain Boredom Brown, who has done more than any former Prime Minister to make Britain into the poverty-stricken Islamic shithole it is today, recently spoke out against legalizing assisted suicide for no other reason than he knows so many in that country would very much like to assist in his.

Barrenness

Muammar Abu Minyar al-Daftgafi of Labia, son of Mohammed Abdul Salam bin Hamed bin Mohammed Al-Daftgafi, likes to go by the unassuming socialist low ranking title of “Colonel” as long as this doesn’t stop him from being a billionaire and being officially known in his country as “Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Labian Arab Jamahiriya“. Daftgafi is now openly calling for all Mussulmanics to obliterate Switzerland in jihad retaliation for the Swiss having arrested his son for beating up his staff, just like Boredom Brown does. Rushing to its neighbor’s defense, the EU, in the form of a spokesman for Barrenness Ashton, the EU's foreign policy representative, savaged Daftgafi with the fierce words “If these reports are correct, they come at an unfortunate moment”.

Barrenness Ashton, a ventriloquist in her spare time, is pictured here on stage waving the hand of her dummy, known as Stiltskin Van Rumpel.