Moonstruck

Frit experienced an encounter with a ninety-three-year-old lady at the weekend busy travelling around the country entirely alone. He was very impressed by her fitness, independence and mental agility until she then informed him that “the weather will never improve until they stop going to the moon”. Frit thanked her and promised to pass the information on to Al Gore.

Back trouble can even affect the divine

Frit is not one to gloat over the misfortunes of others so, today, he must severely reproach himself for his deep lack of distress concerning “social activist” and pop trash icon Bono who is currently in hospital having injured himself on stage whilst preparing to further corrupt and fleece the gullible and the young on a world tour. Apparently, Bono, who wears dark glasses for everything but looking in the mirror, tripped over his own opinion of himself in the dark. Frit believes this individual opted for the name “Bono” as an alternative to the full version, i.e. “bonobo”, as he deemed the full version a bit too lifestyle-suggestive even for the pop sewer milieu.

Frit took this photograph of aging Bono taking time off from social activism to behave like a bonobo with some teenage girls.

Environmental catastrophe

Once upon a time, when Frit was dabbling in the property sector, he and Mrs Frit inspected a rural property with a stream flowing through its ample grounds. Next to this stream Frit noticed an apple tree in a non-upright condition, its six inch diameter trunk having obviously been gnawed clean through by an animal. “BEAVER”, cried Frit and Mrs Frit simultaneously, looking round for a weapon and scarpering as fast as they could from the addled property owners intent on telling them all about why everyone should want a beaver in their garden.

In Frit’s world, beavers are truly accomplished environmental delinquents meriting severe control rather than protection. Thus he nods his head wisely when reading that the Polish authorities believe the antics of beavers to have been a factor in contributing to that country’s current major floods, which have claimed 15 lives and caused untold destruction. In Frit’s view, Polish beaver botherers should now either be arrested or have their feet nailed to the riverbank and their legs painted brown.

The right kind of papers

Recently, when asked an immigration issue question by a child, the answer came easy to the Worst Lady: "That's something that we have to work on, to make sure that people can be here with the right kind of papers". After all, she’s been saying the same thing to her husband for years.

The Worst Lady can be seen in the photograph dancing the “slave ship shuffle” with an illegal immigrant whilst the border police helplessly look on.

Gambling definitions

Whenever Frit gambles some of his hard-earned billions on a currency falling in value the TV calls him a “speculator”, whereas whenever he gambles on a currency rising in value the TV calls him an “investor”.

Progress

Eight years after 15 schoolgirls were roasted alive in Saudi Arabia when the religious police prevented their escape from their burning school on grounds of them being inadequately bagged-up, the authorities in that blessed land have now issued gracious instructions to the effect that girls are to be allowed to escape fires whatever their state of dress. In Britain, a similar Mussulmanic country where the name Mohammed has already overtaken traditional choices like Jack, Thomas and Daniel to become the number one name in several areas, and where the website of the English Defense League has been taken down for "contravening UK racism laws" (in other words for saying negative things about the religion of peace), Frit hears the new parliament might soon be considering a bill which makes it possible for un-bagged-up Mussulmanic girls to likewise escape the flames, whilst Christian girls, either bagged-up or un-bagged-up, are only permitted to escape them on condition of then being burned at the stake.

SAUDI is short for Social Asphyxiation Under Dippy Islam.

Miss Hezbollah USA

Frit believes the new most beautiful woman in America is a less than chaste terrorist sympathizer and terrorist-supported Mussulmanic ex-pole dancing stripper and not an icon for the advent of modernizing the Mussulmanic world. Hezbollah people, with whom she is said to have many family ties, are caught between glee over their own booty having been voted better than ours and wrath over one of their belongings appearing in public in a de-bagged-up state. HEZBOLLAH stands for Hostile Eastern Zealous Bozos Only Like Little Arab Hotties.

Frit took this photograph of Miss Hezbollah performing at “Salim’s Shi’ite Strip and Shimmy” in downtown Dearborn, Michigan, last year.

The law of the desert

Bedouin saying:

“I against my brother, I and my brother against our cousin, I and my brother and our cousin against the neighbors, all of us against the foreigner.”

Coincidentally, a Bedouin sheikh recently claimed that his tribe is linked by blood to the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President. Abdul Rahman Sheikh Abdullah, 53, says that he has evidence that as many as 8,000 Bedouin tribesmen from northern Israel are related to him!

Behind bars at last!

This photo shows Brown where he rightly belongs, at last – the zoo.

More Mussulmanic jokes for which you can be killed

In response to a Mussulmanic woman having been fined for wearing her burka in public in Italy, the head of Italy’s Mussulmanics has stated that veiled Mussulmanic women are the true upholders of western traditions of female dress and that it is the Mussulmanics who are protecting the traditions of that country! Strewth!!! Then there is:

How many Mussulmanics does it take to change a light bulb?
One to hold it.
One to read instructions from the Koran as to how.
One to tell you the bulb is only intended for peaceful use.
One to sue you for claiming a Mussulmanic didn’t invent it first.

Elected at last

Unelected Prime Minister of the UK, office bully Boredom Brown, has now finally and rightly been elected the ex-unelected Prime Minister of the UK. At present he seems to have taken a leaf from ex-German Chancellor Gerhard Sewer Rat Schroeder’s book, claiming “nobody but me” after defeat. His “duty” is to stay in office for the sake of the country. For the public good, you know.

Having completely mortgaged and pauperized Britain during his years in office, both as Chancellor and unelected Prime Minister, having bored everyone to tears and browned everyone off for what seems an age, in the opinion of Frit it is not sufficient for elected ex-unelected Prime Minister Brown to now simply slink off back to yon bonnie banks and yon bonnie braes to enjoy the fruits of his expense account frauds for the rest of his dismal life. Someday Brown and his ilk have to be held to account for their misdeeds. Stupidity is no defense. Ideology is no defense. Nor is being a dreary bigoted turd. He must be arrested, tried for ruining and embarrassing his country, must be found guilty and condemned to end it all by swallowing his own glass eye.

Narrow escape

Frit has been on the run ever since he was caught on camera in New York taking off his sweatshirt and stowing it in his backpack near to Times Square. He was pursued across several states by tracker dogs and ended up holed up in a motel room surrounded by Eric Holder, Mayor Bloomberg, the press, swat teams, FBI agents and CIA men brandishing water boards. When they kicked down the door and burst in, thank goodness he had the presence of mind to quickly dress as an Arab, complete with suicide belt from which severed heads dangled, whereupon they all said “Awww shucks”, and disappeared! Phew!

The fruits of warming

Frit is shocked to see this Mussulmanic fountain at the bottom of the garden of Multimillionaire Great Gore’s new mansion in Montecito. Frit believes it to be a replica of the “Fountain of Eternal Dominance and Boo to the Kuffar” in Iran, at the bottom of which lurks the Mahdi, awaiting liberation when the apocalypse arrives. Having paid for the garden by telling the gullible and the young that warming is the true apocalypse, since climategate Gore has often been seen of an evening furtively hanging around the fountain trying to winkle him out with a stick, by way of proof.

UN atrocities

Without fanfare, the United Nations last week elected Iran to its Commission on the Status of Women, handing a four-year seat on this influential human rights body to a theocratic state in which the status of women is that of belongings, in which stoning is enshrined in law and lashings are required for women judged “immodest”. Women in Iran are now even being pursued by police for having suntans! We also have the United Nations to thank for this very day, April 3, i.e. “World Press Freedom Day”. Remember how, before the UN invented the third of April, we all used to have to go direct from the second to the fourth? Not any more! Looking through the papers, Frit, currently in New York, and who stopped in the street to whip off his jumper and stow it in his bag not far from Times Square, suspects the freedom in question is the freedom to hoodwink the gullible and the young with even greater vigor than on normal days of the year.