Their “first puppy”

The familly that now infests the White House, the children of which are never used for publicity purposes, has now at last chosen which particular breed of dog is to soil the lawns on its behalf (but not the lawn they dug up for Michelle to have slaves grow vegetables in). A Portuguese water dog, no less, formerly used to herd fish into nets around the coasts of Portugal. The official version is that the children never used for publicity purposes fell for this dog, but Frit and others suspect it was chosen for its swimming prowess in the hope that it might rescue the captured American captain from the clutches of the Somali pirates, though without biting any.

Ted Kennedy apparently already has three of these dogs. He acquired them in the hope that they might pull him out of any more ponds he happens to drive into whilst drunk, leaving any female passengers to fend for themselves.