NEW ISLAM

Frit is sick of reading things like the “Ruling on initiating the greeting of salaam with Jews and Christians, and how to push them to the narrowest part of the road”, and “May He annihilate this filthy people who have neither religion nor conscience. I condemn whoever believes in normalizing relations with them, whoever supports sitting down with them, and whoever believes that they are human beings. They are not human beings. They are not people. They have no religion, no conscience, and no moral values”.

Therefore, in his efforts to patch things up between nice enlightened western folks and horrible Mussulmanic throwbacks, Frit has decided the best idea is to found NEW ISLAM. New Islam is a new, modernized version of Islam that features no negative intentions towards other religions and has no goal of world domination. Frit invites all right-thinking Mussulmanics of the world to forsake fusty and outdated Old Islam and sign up to NEW ISLAM. Adherents are not required to cut off anyone’s head or clitoris or to be overly friendly with either children or livestock. They need not forgo music and jokes nor treat women like dirt and generally live as if we are still in the 6th century. Join NEW ISLAM today. It is the Islam of the modern age. It respects others and is enjoyable to practice. NEW ISLAM, the pleasanter Islamic option.

Pictured: Mussulmanic women overjoyed at having opportunity to change over to the new invisible burqa of NEW ISLAM – chic, fun to wear and entirely voluntary!