Beer and smart-arsed condescension

If reports are to be believed, Sergeant James Crowly is actually intending to attend that disgraceful kiss and make up ceremony to be held at the White House Thursday evening, very much against the advice of Frit. But not so. Frit and Sergeant Crowly have actually secretly arranged between them that Sergeant Crowly will stay home and conceal himself under the bed whilst Frit, impersonating him, will be the one to attend, armed with an array of recording devices supplied by disgruntled elements of the CIA and by Frit’s own anti global warming group WOW (War On Warmers).
The plan is to turn all recording devices well away from Henry Gates at all times so as not to corrode their inner workings, and to simply record the moment when, pretending to drink beer by way of masking his true identity, the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan King tips the contents of his glass into the end of a tube concealed in his collar and connected direct to the mighty magic Egg of Power, a carving made by African artisans from the wood of the Monkey Pod tree, with which he so recently replaced that bust of Winston Churchill. Once inside the magic egg, the beer apparently reacts with the monkey pod wood to be pumped back up into the glass in the form of a beverage known as Raw Cane Ramadan Ramazzotti. This is consumed in quantity at every local mosque. It is alcohol-free but brimming with chemicals that make you want to cut off the head of the nearest infidel using a knife you last sharpened twenty years back. Who needs a crummy birth certificate, school records etc. once we have this deception in the can?