Thursday, 29 April 2010

Brown bigot

Unelected Prime Minister of the UK Boredom Brown has disgraced himself and revealed himself unto the ultimate by smarming a harmless British pensioner for the cameras, launching a vicious verbal attack on her the moment she was out of sight then groveling at her and the nation’s feet once accidentally outed. The lady in question is very lucky he didn’t beat her up physically, as he does those in his office. In his defense, he appears to be trying to tell everybody that it was all the pensioner’s fault for mentioning the “I” word, which is such an awful word that it makes him shudder and go to pieces, and, in any case, “bigotedis Scottish forvery nice person, I like you, would you like to share my false eye”. But the electorate is not fooled. In the opinion of serious pundits such as Frit, Brown is now history. He concealed his true vile and self-seeking character from the public for what seems like hundreds of depressing years, but in the end it popped out and brought him down. Nice to see. Nice to see.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Yet another enquiry clears warmers of cooking the books

The “independent” panel convened to examine the research published by the University of East Anglia's Climatic Research Unit, at the centre of the "Climategate" affair, has found there was “no scientific malpractice” involved. Lord Oxburgh, chairman of the panel, is also the current president of the Carbon Capture and Storage Association as well as chairman of wind energy firm Falck Renewables. Of course, having one’s nose very deep in the trough whilst at the same time chairing a panel set up to investigate if the trough really needs continuous filling doesn’t automatically imply any conflict of interest nor any corruption or downright dishonesty, deceit, sleaze, fraud, cheating, immorality, cronyism, gangsterism and gall, but, in Frit’s view, it doesn’t quite imply “independence” either.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Boredom Brown burkas on way in

Just when we all thought the Mussulmanics had achieved ultimate absurdity by generally creating a fundamentally loathsome political ideology dressed up as a religion and based on hatred, greed, envy and testosterone, by running around asking questions like “Is it proper for a man to wipe his socks if he puts the right sock on before washing his left foot?”, and by making women into earthquake-causing bagged-up belongings, a cleric in Saudi Arabia has now called on women to wear a full veil that reveals only one eye instead of the hitherto permitted two!

What can one say? What can the sane say?

Monday, 26 April 2010

Political freak show

The world’s most abhorrent political alliance has just been struck between stunted warmonger Madmood Madjihadimad and Robert Mugabe, Africa’s most hardwearing socialist despot. Madjihadimad says he wants a world free of nuclear weapons except for his own. After all, what’s the point in all those worthless kuffar having nuclear bombs, he (rightly) asks, if they have no plans to detonate any? The Islamic Republic, on the other hand, has every intention of making proper use of its own bombs the moment they are ready to go. How else can the divine teletubby ensconced at the bottom of that well down south for so many years be brought out to finally put the world to rights? This fits in well with Mugabe’s dream of a world in which he has opportunity to reduce everybody’s life expectancy at birth by significantly more than the 14 years he has so successfully achieved in his own country during his reign up to now.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Destination Mars

The Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President says he wants Americans to go to Mars instead of to the moon. It seems this has always been his ambition ever since he watched the film “Mars Attacks”. As a devout Mussulmanic he admires the incoherent monotonous unpleasant claptrap that issues from the mouths of the Martians as well as their uncompromising approach to dealing with other cultures.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Ice burkas prevent earthquakes

"Many women who dress inappropriately cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes," a certain addled Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi told worshippers at Friday prayers in Tehran, the home of the really mad. Could this be the reason the Mussulmanics are now intending to build their first Mosque in the Arctic Circle? The quilted multi-layer triple insulated fur mega-burkas they’ll be walking around in up there are sure to stop the earth moving.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010


Hectomillionaire Bill Clinton says that the tea party movement could incite extremism. Strangely enough, some think that making believe you're a black man, amassing huge amounts of personal wealth, power and prestige from pretending to champion the little guy, fiddling with every loose woman in America in the Oval Office, irresponsibly risking and loosing the lives of American military people on a regular basis by trying to appear tough at the same time as trying to appear the good guy, and bombing Serbia in order to set up Mussulmanic states within Europe all might incite extremism too.

Monday, 19 April 2010


Unelected Prime Minister of Britain and office bully Boredom Brown has embarrassingly made a speech “setting out his vision” for a “global society”. The global society is a perfect society in which nobody does any work yet all are fabulously rich and healthy and all eternally vote for and worship Boredom Brown for making it all possible. Of course, the “vision” of an individual possessing a mere 50% of the visual organs of the normal person can be expected to lack some proper depth and accuracy. No matter, carried away with his own munificence and lack of decorum he then apparently removed his glass eye, held it aloft before his astonished audience and offered it as a bung to plug that volcano in Iceland that is currently doing so much to inconvenience teachers, many of whom are Labour Party voters, stranded in holiday destinations with Brown wanting to do almost anything to get them back in the country in time to vote.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Wrong targets

Frit has learned that the Mussulmanics are “up in arms” because the British army installed models of mosques on a firing range used to train British soldiers off to fight in Afghastlystan. Needless to say, the models have already been removed and an apology issued. Maybe they’ll now be replaced with models of York Minster and St. Peter’s Rome. If that fails to calm the situation perhaps a few live Christians and Jews could be nailed to the facades on crosses.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

All in the name

If Barack really means “blessed”, if Hussein means “descendent of the Prophet” and if Obama is a surname in the Dholuo language spoken by the Luo people of Kenya, based on the verb "bam" meaning "bent", then whenever he has to fill in his surname first we get “Bent Blessed Descendent of the Prophet”. Seems to fit.

The photograph shows grandfather Hussein Onyango Obama. There is some doubt about whether Onyango means “born in the early morning” or “born about mid day”. No matter, the picture seems to confirm he was certainly there well before lunch.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Shoe fetish deemed kosher

A court in the UK has accepted that shoe-throwing is simply a ritual form of protest and therefore not a criminal act of violence. So as long as a Mussulmanic throws a shoe in your face, and not a stone, he commits no offence! At the same time, the British National Health Service has just permitted Mussulmanic women to wear complete burkas on the job, despite previously having decreed that bare arms are a must for staff in hospitals in order to be able to wash up to the elbow, thereby preventing the spread of some really malevolent germs. In the view of Frit, the obvious plan, here, is for Abdullah to throw his hobnailed boot in your face so that you end up in hospital where Amatallah then shakes superbugs into your wounds from her burka sleeves.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Holy showbiz boffin implodes with excess piety

Richard Dawkins, atheist campaigner and evolutionist, is planning to have Pope Benedict XVI arrested when he visits Britain later this year for "crimes against humanity". He appears unaware that the point of not believing in Almighty God is not to claim that role for oneself.

The photograph shows smarmy Dawkins reproachfully peering at a passing believer from behind a fossilized version of one of his own earliest creations.

Friday, 9 April 2010

Climategate Parliamentary Inquiry in the UK – not guilty

Not surprisingly, this inquiry found that we are indeed all frying in a pan of our own making after all: “On the much cited phrases in the leaked e-mails - “trick” and “hiding the decline” - the Committee considers that they were colloquial terms used in private e-mails and the balance of evidence is that they were not part of a systematic attempt to mislead”.

On the subject of “phrases” and “tricks” Frit notes that, in his remarks, Phil Willis MP, Committee Chair, uses the phrases “climate scientists” and “climate science community” to describe one set of people, and “climate change skeptics” to describe another set. This old “trick” has been practiced by the religious since the beginning of time. It’s called laying claim to the positive for the purpose of stigmatizing those who think you’re talking a load of rubbish with its negative. Thus we have believer/unbeliever, religious/irreligious, holy/unholy, Christian/non-Christian, Mussulmanic/non-Mussulmanic infidel pig with severed head and so on, always defining the latter in terms of the former. Frit, in all his imperfection, regularly resorts to this trick himself, referring to his supporters as "wholesome appetising Fritters” and to his detractors as "unwholesome unappetising unpleasant yucky Indonesian twice-fried spicy peanut Fritters” who ought to see sense.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Goon in charge of nuclear arsenal says no more Miss Atomic Bomb

The Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President is insisting that no nuclear weapons will be used against the foes of America unless they nuke America first or unless they are North Korea or Iran or unless the mothers truly deserve it, and even then it shall strictly be megaton for megaton. A form has been drawn up and distributed to every enemy. They are to enter the number of intended megatons they aim to strike with and return the form to the American military without delay so that a fair balance can be achieved. Afterwards, if the attackers have more casualties than the US, they are freely entitled to another strike to even things up. What a safer world we are suddenly living in today.

Sunday, 4 April 2010


Frit learns that the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President has forbidden the hiding and seeking of Easter eggs in the White House grounds for fear that somebody might accidentally unearth an incriminating birth certificate and some college records that might be hidden there.

Meanwhile Frit, ever one for enterprise, has made good money in the run-up to Easter by marketing the world’s first Mussulmanic-friendly halal chocolate Easter bunny, a chocolate bunny you can have sex with as long as you then sell it to somebody in the neighboring village instead of eating it yourself. The halal chocolate Easter bunny – entirely in tune with the strange teachings of creepy Ayatollah Khomeini and the rest of the creepy Shia clergy, soon to be in possession of nuclear weapons.