Friday, 30 October 2009

Mussulmen who can’t spell

Inspired by some absurdly illiterate recent hate posters, Frit’s latest book is entitled “Mussulmen who can’t spell”. Sadly, this is now being withdrawn from the shops throughout Europe because Frit learns that, if all goes as planned, the 27 member states of the European Union will soon have a common hate crime legislation that will turn disapproval of Islamic practices or homosexual lifestyles into crimes. The directive's definition of discriminatory harassment is so broad that every objection to Islamic or homosexual practices will be considered unlawful!

Frit opposes the introduction of this legislation on the grounds that those in society who most object to homosexual lifestyles are Mussulmen. Thus the legislation specifically singles out Mussulmen, especially homosexual Mussulmen who by definition must either disapprove of their own lifestyles and are thus committing a crime, or must disapprove of the Islamic practice of disapproving of their lifestyles and are thus committing a different crime. This law is discriminatory and wrong. It is also bad for book sales.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Animal lovers reach out, cows fail to reciprocate

In Britain, dog owners have been trampled to death by irate cows in record spectacular numbers this year (in an earlier post Frit reported on a case of this type where the cows failed to quite pull it off). Knowing that politically correct and townie-riddled doggy-lover land as well as she does, Mrs Frit now tells Frit she expects a law will soon be passed to make it illegal for farmers to negligently leave their cattle standing about uselessly in a field without being on a lead.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009


Frit notes that, in Britain, a conman has been given a jail sentence for posing as the Director of Public Prosecutions in order to seduce women. The real Director of Public Prosecutions is arch progressive Keir Starmer QC. Starmer falsified his details in Who’s Who to make himself appear less advantaged. He also recently abused his apolitical office to make public speeches against the Conservative Party’s intention to meddle with the Human Rights Act from which he earned very well thankyou for years before being appointed to his post. Nonetheless, Starmer himself is not being sent to jail for posing as the Director of Public Prosecutions in order to seduce women. What an injustice.

The photograph shows Starmer staring in disbelief at the figures the Human Rights Act has added to his bank statement down the years.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Cruelty to animals

When asked by a small boy, on camera, to confirm he was born in Hawaii, the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President replied “Yeah, I was born in Hawaii, that’s true. Absolutely and my . . . my sister still lives in Hawaii. And we got a dog named Bo”. The amazing thing about this abrupt change of subject trick was its crudity. A bit like seeing the conjurer putting the rabbit into the hat with one hand before pulling it out with the other. It is so obvious. So badly done. Why do they not notice?

It is also tantamount to abusing a dumb animal incapable of giving informed consent to its being used as a prop in hoodwinking the American people. And dogs are so trusting. Frit is having his people write to PETA demanding they rescue the dog. As everyone knows, PETA is an organization that collects money from the gullible and the young for the purpose of finding dogs new homes, but instead executes them and pockets the savings. No matter, Frit is sure that the poor mutt in question would much rather spend its time fouling the pavements of heaven than suffering mistreatment at the hands of an inept showman down here. The photograph shows the brute in question poking his dog in the ear with a stick for being blacker than him.

Monday, 26 October 2009

Choice of words

Frit notes that coalition talks between the two right-leaning parties forming Germany’s new government are referred to by those who feed us the news as “fights” on the same day that talks between Hamas and Fatah, locked in a barbaric bloodthirsty struggle over who pockets the money lavished on the Palestinians by western democracies, are referred to as “negotiations”.

Friday, 23 October 2009


In all his public appearances the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President appears to have a knack of looking like a TV entertainer one moment and like a schoolboy playing at being the President the next, but never like an actual president. We should be worried. We should be worried. Also, why does his wife always look like a big white slave ship captain guy blacked up and in drag?

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Waiter there’s a fly in my soup

Frit, who is in telepathic contact across the great divide with the ghost of the fly that the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President killed on TV not so long ago, has been informed firsthand by this said ghost of a fly that what the Koran has to say about flies, i.e. that if a housefly falls into a person’s drink, that person should properly immerse the fly in the drink because one of the fly’s wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease, is a load of old rubbish. It’s simply not true. Hardly surprising when one learns from ancient tomes only recently discovered in a hitherto buried temple in in a desert somewhere that the word Koran, the name of the book revealed to Mohammed by the angel Jibril over a period of approximately twenty-three years (beginning in 610 CE, when he was forty, and concluding in 632 CE, the year of his death), is short for Kooky Odious Retarded Arrant Nonsense. (Jibril is apparently short for Jalapenos In Beer-Roasted Iranian Lentils.) Is it true that the Koran has been banned in Kazakhstan?

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Polar bears destroy western civilization

In his attempts at saving the world from the green disaster of the upcoming Copenhagen global climate treaty, Frit recently put himself through the ordeal of having dinner with Unelected Prime Minister of Britain and arch warmer, Boredom Brown. The aim was to try to convince him that if you only have half the number of eyes possessed by the standard human being you can reasonably be expected to see only half the thermometer and only half the north pole etc.. To no avail. The addled wretch is of the opinion that “The great injustice of climate change” is that “those being hit first and hardest by it are those who have done least to cause it”. This is an unshakable collective warmist religious conviction and a supremely effective strategy for getting the hands ever deeper into the pockets and the pants of the gullible and the young. No matter that those who have done the least owe their very existence to those who have done the most. No matter that giving all the money of those who have done the most to those who have done the least, which is the aim of the treaty, can only make the former worse off and never make the latter better off.

Frit blames it all on the polar bear. The polar bear is the most vile and vicious slaughtering machine that ever drew breath, and which the planet could well do without. But the polar bear is gift wrapped in white fur and lives in wet conditions where the blood gets quickly washed off. This makes it an acceptable, cuddly, likeable symbol, just perfect for feeding the warming doom message to our children, irrespective of it having been feeding itself on our children since time began.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Incitement to murder

Frit is breathless with admiration for this section of a BBC report on the visit of Gerd Wilders to London: “He was quizzed about his views on Islam and his unsuccessful attempt in the Dutch parliament to get the Koran banned, using the same laws under which Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf was outlawed”. They so smoothly would have us believe they are thus saying that a thoroughly good read, i.e. the Koran, must not be placed in the same category as a thoroughly bad read, i.e. Mein Kampf, whereas, of course, the real intention of the statement is simply to associate the name of Wilders with the name of Adolph Hitler anyway one can.

During the visit, Frit was not amused to see a “reporter” interviewing a retarded yob in a London street making what amounted to death threats against Gerd Wilders. The “reporter” then addressed him as “Sir”! Frit was so irritated by this that he has had his legal department write to the British Home Secretary reminding him that British law states:

Encouraging or assisting an offence believing it will be committed

Section 45 creates the crime of:
Doing an act capable of encouraging or assisting the commission of an offence; and
Believing that:

§ The offence will be committed; and
§ His act will encourage or assist its commission.

The offence is triable in the same manner, summarrarily or on indictment, as the anticipated offence (s.55(1)) and, on conviction, a person can be sentenced to the same penalty as applies to the anticipated offence (s.58).

Frit is not expecting a prompt reply.

Monday, 19 October 2009

Green subsidence

Frit’s anti global warming hoax organization WOW (War on Warmers) has discovered that the pretty town of Staufen im Breisgau in southern Germany has become the first town in the world ever to be laid waste by warming dogma. Warmers in that town were determined to do their bit to save the climate by heating their ancient town hall with green geothermal heat rather than red fossil fuel heat. So intense was their warming zeal that they ignored geological advice and bored several green warming holes hundreds of warming meters into the ground. These holes allowed water from the bowels of the earth to seep upwards into layers of rock that dissolve in water. The pretty medieval town instantly started to sink into the resulting cavities with disturbing speed. The medieval town hall and all the other medieval buildings are cracking and disintegrating. Nobody knows how to slow, arrest or reverse the process. People can only stand by and watch as their homes and businesses fall to pieces and vanish into the ground. Media reports on this green crime are extremely few and far between. Frit proposes that the townspeople seek compensation from the media and from Multimillionaire Great Gore.

Friday, 16 October 2009

Figures buried in fens

Shivering in the unusually early frost and snow of a globally warmed October morning, Frit reads that, in mid-August, the University of East Anglia's Climate Research Unit (CRU) disclosed that it had destroyed the raw data for its global surface temperature data set owing to an alleged lack of storage space. This data was the basis of several of the major international studies that claim we face a global warming crisis. Fishy as this might be, it seems not to make headline news. Frit’s own anti global warming group WOW (War on Warmers) has dispatched a team to East Anglia to dredge those fens for incriminating evidence. WOW has also written to Multimillionaire Nobel Laureate Great Gore requesting his thoughts.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Sikh freaks

Recently, a Sikh man was awarded a sum of money by a British court as compensation for having been asked to remove his turban to do training in the police force. This he could not do because his turban is “one and the same as the Sikh’s head”. Now, a Sikh schoolboy and his family are winging because he is not permitted to take a dagger to school. In Frit’s view, he should only be allowed to take the dagger to school if he is prepared to use it only to “consecrate the ceremonial sweet pudding”, which, it seems, is after all one of the dagger’s important never to be done without purposes.

Or why not simply go back to where running around with a dagger and having your head be one and the same as a piece of cloth is the done thing?

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Fruits of appeasement

Frit notes that the Irish terrorist Patrick Magee, a self-obsessed frightened runt who murdered five people and injured many others when attempting to murder Margaret Thatcher twenty-five years ago, was invited to the House of Commons to “promote reconciliation”. He naturally saw this as an opportunity to simply justify his murders and his miserable existence and to parade his lack of remorse. Frit also notes that the Pale Stinians have washed their hands of the American Administration’s attempts at flooding the Middle East with peace only days after the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Joker President was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Politically correct gem of the week

Yesterday, when reporting about the death penalty handed out to six men in China for their part in recent unrest in the Uighur region, did CNN’s anchor Hala Gorani really tell us that the conflict was between Han Chinese and “a weaker ethnic group”? “Hala” apparently means “halo”, and it sometimes shows.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Ah, the “plight” of women in Berlusconi’s Italy

A fuss has erupted in Italy because Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi told a Democratic Party politician she has more beauty than brains. They are demanding he retract the comment. Frit agrees. It is very evident from photographs of the woman in question that, were the statement true, she would have hardly any brains at all.

Friday, 9 October 2009

Joker gets peace prize

The Nobel Peace Prize, bequeathed to us by the man who brought dynamite to the world, this year quite rightly goes to the individual most likely to blow the world up.

Frit reads that “In Saudi Arabia, which is an important player as well as a key moral force in the Arab and Islamic world, there appears to be a quiet sense of enjoyment over the news”.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Judge watch

Frit notes that, as part of the great international justice conspiracy, judges in Italy have come to the considered conclusion that judges should rule the country instead of the government, and their enemy, Billionaire Silvio Berlusconi, must be shafted. Their fellow conspirators, the most senior judges in the UK, have meanwhile ruled that long sentences for terrorist crimes could “inflame” rather than deter extremism whilst, across the pond, 3 judges in New York said “pass” one after the other when randomly chosen to conduct the trial of a terrorist suspect.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Trouble looms

An Israeli cabinet minister has declined to visit Britain for fear of being arrested as he might be faced with possible charges stemming from his time as the chief of staff of the Israeli military. This is because Israeli officials have been threatened with prosecution in Britain under the international ruling class’s legal principle of "universal jurisdiction," which says suspected perpetrators of serious crimes can be prosecuted in countries other than those in which the crimes were committed. Frit believes it is time for Israelis to threaten to prosecute members of the international ruling class under the legal principle of “universal common sense” which says suspected perpetrators of serious crimes that amount to aiding and abetting the forward march of idiocy and Methodist supremacy can be prosecuted in countries other than those in which the crimes were committed.

But then, learning that the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Joker President’s own website astonishingly compares Gaza with the Warsaw Ghetto, accusing Israel of running a “concentration camp”, Frit realizes that nothing really matters anymore. The established rational code that has kept at least some parts of the world in some sort of semi-civilized and semi-peaceful state for the past while is now obviously at an end. There is going to be trouble.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Jew boy found skulking in mosque?

Frit reads that the family of Madmood Madjihadimad apparently changed its name from Sabourjian, a Jewish name meaning "cloth weaver," to Madjihadimad when it converted to Islam after his birth. Thus his reason for being so big on hating the Jew hiding behind the tree is simply because he himself is the Jew hiding behind the tree and doesn’t want his fellow madmen to notice. Frit says, pull the other one! Were this true his relationship with his new found friend the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Joker President (who also once went by a different name, i.e. Barry, which is a Mussulman name meaning “one who will ruin your country and the entire fabric of western civilization should you be stupid enough to elect him infidel cloth weaver fool”), wouldn’t be heading anywhere at all. (Strange how the phrase “be headed” always seems to creep in when discussing issues relating to Mussulmen.)

Monday, 5 October 2009

Food bore on Sesame Street

Big Bird dared to ask Michelle what no other dare ask but forgot to ask if she really used to sit on her dad’s lap aged 20, as she claims, and what her mum had to say about it.

Friday, 2 October 2009

Five things every dog owner should know

· You own a dog for your own sake, not for your dog’s sake.
· Your dog does not look like you, you look like your dog.
· You do not love your dog, you use your dog.
· Your dog does not love you, your dog loves anyone who gives it a bone.
· If you drop dead in your home without anyone knowing, your dog will eat you. As will your cat.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

What the Dickens

People say this picture depicts Britain in times gone by, but Frit thinks it depicts Britain in times to come.