Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Globetrotter drops in on bogtrotter

George Bush stopped off in Northern Ireland on his big trip a couple of days ago and the British “Independent (of what?)” newspaper reports, in its sly way, that “Although the theme of the visit was a brighter future, Mr Bush actually, if only momentarily, plunged Belfast back into the kind of tight security that was so oppressive in the city's bad old days”.

It also reports that “It mattered little, during a visit that lasted only a few hours, that the way the Belfast conflict has been laid to rest was not quite along the classic lines of Bush foreign policy”.

Getting the sly knife in, any way you can. As long as you’re “independent” you can be as partisan as you like.

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Abu Bonanza

In their wisdom, three British Judges (combined income fifty zillion pounds a year) have released a known terrorist from custody, a man wanted on terrorism charges in Algeria, the United States, Belgium, Spain, France, Germany, Italy, and his native Jordan! The British Home Secretary and other British government people (combined income fifty zillion pounds a year) think this is a shame. The three judges insist it is not a shame, so the issue will be put back with the lawyers (combined income fifty zillion pounds a year) and dropped into the laps of some more judges (combined income fifty zillion pounds a year). And so it goes on. The “debate” rages on openly in the foreground whilst the cash is discretely raked in behind the scenes.

The terrorist in question ferreted his way into Britain 15 years ago with a false passport, a wife and two children (now increased to five, all supported by the state). The legal profession saw big, bright dollar signs in this man’s eyes right from the start. The sum of money raked in by the various legal leeches, policemen and labour party members who have all been earning from him since that time is extraordinarily huge. Had he been simply and deservedly thrown into the Atlantic Ocean, right at the outset, not a penny would have been made from him. This, and nobody’s social conscience and nobody’s human rights, is the true reason terrorism is so hard to defeat.

Monday, 23 June 2008

Great Zimbabwe

Why is everybody suddenly so fed up with Robert Mugabe? Robert Mugabe has always been a despicable racist communist mass murderer despot, but nobody ever took any notice until now. Just because he’s black. For the past thirty years he’s been trying really hard to attract the world’s attention to the fact that a black racist despot is the equal of any white one, entirely without success. His first provocative racist act upon seizing power (apart from the ethnic massacres) was to do away with the white man’s name for his country and rename it after a really not very advanced dry stone wall. But nobody protested. Unlike with Myanmar, they all played ball. As a consequence, the poor man has been forced, ever since, to systematically turn a once prosperous, organised country back into a mud hut in his attempts to gain some attention for his just cause. But everyone still just stood by, even gave him all sorts of accolades and awards.

In his exasperation at this wilful prejudice, Frit recently came up with the idea of marketing black tee-shirts with white lettering, saying “BLACK RACIST DESPOTS CAN BE EVERY BIT AS BAD AS WHITE ONES YOU KNOW, BE FAIR”. Too late, all and sundry (led by British Prime Minister Boredom Brown, such an awesome tiger of a man) are now suddenly fed up with Mugabe all at once, and the tee-shirts are not selling. Never mind, ever one to respond with speed to changing circumstances, eager to help a once promising country back onto its feet as well as prove, in turn, that a white man can be just as much a racist as a black one, Frit has now altered these into white tee-shirts with black lettering, reading “RHODESIA WE MISS YUH. KAFFER BAD GAFFER. BWANA COME BACK”.

Friday, 20 June 2008

Jumping on the bandwagon when it comes to a stop

Great Gore, the man who started all this global warming, making it rain on Frit’s birthday (and the man who is beginning to look as if his publicly unstated strategy for saving the planet is to eat most of it), is the latest in the list of terrorist sympathisers, communists, Hollywood dross, Nobel prize charlatans and similar to come out as a B.A. Barackabamite (notably Colonel Qadhafi, the world’s looniest dictator, who says of B.A. Barackabama “We still hope that this black man will take pride in his African and Islamic identity”).
Frit thinks this coming out as a B.A. Barackabamite on the part of Great Gore might have been seemly before the fact but is definitely unseemly after it. Bookmakers don’t normally accept bets once the race is over, after all. But this appears not to bother B.A. Barackabama. He is only too eager to seize opportunity to forge ahead with his sly plan to achieve regime change that stands for course change, climate change and colour change all in one go. The world will be such a different place!

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Little things

Sometimes, Frit tries to keep track of how many of the small things in life Mrs Frit finds “beautiful” and “wonderful” and “sweet” in the day, but he usually looses count round about midmorning.

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Older not wiser

The process of aging is a very natural one. The body ages, and along with it the mind. The minds of the young are open. This makes the young always think they can shape the world in a better way. With age comes the realisation that this is not at all so, that these notions were just immature.
Sadly, many individuals become socially engaged on the back of their youthful immature notions, early on in their lives. Their careers, finances and social lives are founded on them so they then find themselves with no choice other than to go on upholding them despite aging and gradually seeing the true light. Frit has great sympathy for such unfortunate individuals. Shoving bonky, immature notions into the gullible and the young when you’re forty is one thing, having to go on doing it when you’re sixty is quite another.

Frit’s latest business idea is the “Grow up teacher, you got it all wrong” scheme, aimed at offering really expensive counselling services to such unfortunates in an attempt to get them back on the right road.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Worthwhile folk

For scientific research purposes, every time he attempts to work out the absolute total number of worthwhile human beings alive (by crudely taking the total world population and deducting from it all the terrorists and other criminals, the self-righteous, the stupid, the cruel, the greedy, the unjust, cyclists, the Welsh etc.), Frit is always surprised to find that Frit, Mrs Frit and the other Frits are virtually all we are left with.

Monday, 16 June 2008

Bogtrotter says boo to EU

The horrible bogtrotter, a very major beneficiary of EU funding, has voted against the Lisbon Treaty. This is called biting the hand that feeds you potatoes. And the sad fact is that this has not been done in rejection of the socialist megastate into which the ruling class have turned the EU, it has been done because the EU is amazingly deemed not socialist enough and thus fails to gain the blessing of terrorist communist mafioso Gerry Adams and his like! And, of course, it has also been done in simple rejection of being too closely associated with foreigners, i.e. with anyone who is not of the bog, anyone whose diet includes more than just potatoes, fags and beer that tastes like soap, anyone who lives on proper dry land.

In Frit’s opinion, the bogtrotter should now be ejected from the EU altogether. He should be left to stand on his own webbed feet. And he should be made to pay back all the money. He can surely earn it playing sentimental tunes on his tin whistle whilst jigging up and down – such a fascinating culture! As for Gerry Adams, he should simply be dressed in orange pyjamas and taken to join his fellow travellers in Guantanamo Bay.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Cavegirl out and about

Frit reproduces this scurrilous photograph, entitled “Osama Bin Shoppin”, for no other reason than he thinks the shoes just don’t go.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Too rich again

Today, Frit reads in the mainstream media that “Italy’s Premier, multimillionaire Silvio Berlusconi, shamelessly flaunts his wealth”. Of course, this is not followed by “Unlike the hectomillionaire Clintons, who shamelessly conceal theirs”.

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

More fealty from the foe

Like all the enemies of America and of our entire western democratic civilisation, British MP George Galloway, aggressive and uncouth lunatic Scotsman, communist, terrorist sympathizer and serial molester of the minds and pockets of the gullible and the young, wants B.A Barackabama for President of the United States.

Monday, 9 June 2008

Absurd past

The history teaching wing of the ruling class seems unaware that history happened in the past. It has universally, irritatingly and absurdly taken to speaking of it in the present tense. They tell us “The Turks are at the gates of Vienna” and “The Roman Empire is waning”. Recently, when, instead of saying “The Battle of Waterloo was being fought right then”, the TV said “The Battle of Waterloo is being fought right now”, Frit almost went along to Belgium to watch. Or should that be “Frit is almost going to go to Belgium to watch”?

From now on, Frit is considering talking of the past in the future perfect continuous tense, something like “Frit is going to have been going to Belgium to watch the Battle of Waterloo, soon”.

Friday, 6 June 2008

Suspicious spelling mistakes

The fact that the new leader of the Democratic Party was constantly in trouble at school for always putting an involuntary letter L on the end whenever asked to spell the word “came” does not make him a mussulman, that goes without saying. But, as everyone who works with Microsoft Word must have noticed by now, the spellchecker always stops at the word “Obama”, suggesting it be replaced with “Osama”. What can it be trying to tell us?

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Opinion delivered as fact

One of the key insidious ploys those who feed us the news use in seeking to pull the wool over the eyes of the gullible and the young is that of delivering opinion as fact. Today’s example is from a radio news programme in which the presenter talks to a correspondent in America, saying: “What should we expect from an Obama presidency? The past eight years of George Bush’s presidency have been emotional and intellectual torture for we Europeans, as you know”.

There is no right of reply to such opinion delivered as fact in the mainstream media, no equal air time, and any presenter who dared deliver the opposite opinion as fact would be accused of delivering opinion as fact and be out of a job right away.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Democratic Party chooses to discriminate in favour of blacks and against women

Hectomillionairess Hillary Clinton, the most dishonest and insincere person alive on this planet today, bites the well-deserved dust and will never now succeed in her ambition to become the first female ruler of the universe. But wait, apparently she “will be making no decisions” about this just yet. MAKING NO DECISIONS?! True to form, a barefaced teller of untruths to the very end!
Frit is a happy man, of course. But, as pointed out in an earlier post, by far the happiest man in the world today is her hectomillionaire husband, the only man in Christendom whose detestation of Hillary exceeds Frit’s.

Yes, the Democratic Party has at long last opted for B.A. Barackabama, a leader who, although he might look a lot like a mussulman to the untrained eye, is definitely not a mussulman. The fact that he lived in a mussulman country, attended a mussulman school, is named Hussein just like Saddam and has a family just riddled with mussulmen does not make him a mussulman. And he in fact keeps on going a long way out of his way to tell everyone he “is not, and never has been”, a mussulman – why? Does he dislike mussulmen? Is he prejudiced against them? Why is he so desperate to convince everybody he is not one? The only conclusion Frit can draw from this panicky insistence is that, were he in actual fact ever to turn out to be a mussulman, which he emphatically never will, he would believe himself, and, by implication, believe all mussulmen, basically unfit for office as president. Now is that fair and proper for the leader of a democratic party? He should be encouraging integration and social inclusion, not excluding people on grounds of religion.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Mentally malfunctioning mussulman murders and maims many

A loon, upset by a cartoon, has attacked the Danish embassy in Pakistan. This is bound to lead to calls for gagging rather than for more grown up responses to things you don’t like. The Danes, for whom drawing those cartoons was the only desperate way of ever getting their country a mention in the international news, now find themselves championing freedom of expression for the entire western world when all they’d really like to do is return to the mediocrity and obscurity from whence they came.

The image of a rather cute looking Prophet Mohammed Frit features here is from Turkey, a mussulman country, so it must be kosher to reproduce it. Or? No intention to offend.

Monday, 2 June 2008

Saved by the banning weapon

Cash and careers are being made from banning cluster bombs at the moment. Millions of words are being spoken and sold in this regard. Like nuclear bombs, cluster bombs have to be banned. They seem to have to be “banned” in the sense that when a well paid committee somewhere signs a paper saying we shall have no more of them they simply cease to be and we are thereafter free of them. Presumably the plans and designs for making them also cease to be at the same time. All the scientific knowledge and technology required for making them also goes missing at the same time. Everything to do with them just vanishes from our memory so that the moment there’s another war or threat we’ll never be able set up a factory and just start making them again. Phew, we’re safe.

Sunday, 1 June 2008

Equal rights for mad mussulmen women

Whoever said that feminism was invented so that unattractive women can play a part in society too, can now add “and so that madwomen can play their part in destroying it”. For in the bizarre world in which we live and in which such huge numbers of people are really just such a pure waste of time, we now have mad mussulmen women suicide bombers in a stew over equal rights to very short careers in the terrorism branch. Al Qaeda, it appears, thinks the role of women in jihad is merely to stay at the kitchen sink to breed vast numbers of proper male suicide bombers unlikely to suffer a sudden bout of menstruation or urge to disclose some trivial piece of gossip right in the middle of an important mission to save the world from the clutches of the infidel. Now is that sexist or what!

Ever one to seethe at the beast of discrimination wherever it shall chance to raise its ugly head, Frit is at one with these mad mussulmen women and has a plan intended to bring world attention to their cause. They shall all don their explosive burkas, visit their various local al Qaeda branch headquarters, sidle up to the sexist bigots quietly working there and simultaneously blow themselves into the presence of Allah in protest.