Thursday, 25 February 2010

Hill and Bill

Frit famously dislikes aging Hectomillionairess Hillary Rod ’em Clinton even more than Hectomillionaire Bill Clinton dislikes her. For this reason Frit was very instrumental in making sure she failed to win the leadership of the Democratic Party and become President. So why is he now beginning to wish she had won?

Meanwhile, the health of Hectomillionaire Bill, who has just been in hospital for something which we’ll probably never know the honest details of (AIDS say some), is a source of concern to Frit. Frit, hopes Bill survives a bit longer because, if he passes over to where the shiny, slimy and slick cavort amongst the wispy clouds of conman heaven, Frit will undoubtedly also pass over out of nausea at the song and dance certain to ensue on TV.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010


Despite much deeply unattractive squirming, unelected Prime Minister of Britain and nasty piece of work Boredom Brown just can’t shake off the assertion that he is a vicious bully with a rotten temper. Those around him are all covering their bruises with powder to appear on TV and tell us what a nice man he is. In a latest development, all those Mussulmanic lawyers acting for former Guantanamo inmates and convicted terrorists, bleeding the British taxpayer dry with legal bills over torture allegations, have all now signed a paper saying their clients were told to provide information or face being left alone in a room in 10 Downing Street for five minutes with spiteful Boredom Brown.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010


The Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President just had to meet up with mega victimization icon the Downright Lama. Why not? Both their names end in the same three letters so they must be distant relatives, both have a Nobel Peace Prize, both represent eastern religions, both go by false names, one is pretty much barefooted, the other pretty much barefaced, and both can levitate. But why did the visitor have to leave by a side door where garbage is stacked, some are asking. Frit, on the other hand is asking how come garbage is stacked around the White House anywhere at all? Garbage inside, garbage outside, we can only suppose. If you come from that sort of milieu, you just don’t notice.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Brown bully

Unelected Prime Minister of Britain, Boredom Brown, has been obliged to appear on TV to deny reports that he physically abuses his staffers. It appears he specially trained the muscles around his glass eye to contract and expel it from its socket with near deadly force at any underling impertinent enough to annoy him. This seems to surprise many, though Frit thought him a nasty piece of unelected socialist work all along. Frit caught the savage brute in question on camera replacing the eye after having viciously fired it at the elderly tea lady for forgetting the sugar.

Friday, 19 February 2010

Cultural imperialism

Frit, in all his supreme ignorance, could never understand why the entire world’s enlightened socialist trash is always on the side of the Mussulmanics and always rabidly anti Israel. At last it has been explained to him:

Since some countries of the third world do not subscribe to western cultural norms of respect for human life, we in the west cannot judge such countries’ behavior by those norms. To do so would be an act of cultural imperialism. But since Israel does subscribe to those norms, it is accordingly judged by them; indeed, since the Jews claim superior standards to the rest of humanity, they need to be judged by higher standards than those applied to the rest of the human race.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Hating by candlelight

Frit reads that the European Union is paying 15 million dollars a month to the Pale Stinians of Gaza to buy fuel for their power station. Given that there are 1.5 million Pale Stinians in Gaza, if Frit does his sums properly this means 10 dollars per month per person. Given that Abdul and Fatima normally have at least 8 children, this would make 10 persons per household netting 10 times 10 equals 100 dollars for electricity each month, or a staggering 1,200 dollars worth of electricity per year. They should switch off their standby buttons.

Now, it seams, this money, provided by the European taxpayers, is no longer being handed out to the particular bunch of corrupt criminals it was being handed out to, but instead to a different bunch of corrupt criminals, i.e. the Pale Stinian Authority, which is like throwing it into a hole in the ground, a hole so deep that they might have to shut down their power plant for lack of fuel. Unfortunate. Without electric light how can they possibly see to bite the hand that feeds them or spot Israelis making off with the livers of their children at night?

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

World’s worst warmer comes clean

The former head of the controversial unit at the centre of the "climategate" storm, Professor Phil “fiddle them data” Jones, pictured, has now admitted that there has been no global warming for the past fifteen years. Despite this, the new head of the unit, Prof. Peter Liss (not to be mispronounced liter-of-piss), is saying things like "If you're on the climate skeptics side, you have to have really good evidence for your case because if you're wrong then the consequences for all of us and all our children and whoever comes after is hugely influenced”. Good to see he’s approaching the job with an open mind.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Ayatollah caught telling untruths

Ayatollah (backwards = hallo ta ya) Khomeini, the weird and miserable religious zealot who set up the Great Craziness Of Iran so that all his compatriots could be as weird and miserable as he, said “There are no jokes in Islam. There is no humor in Islam. There is no fun in Islam“. So how come the Fiqh Council of North America — a body of Islamic scholars — issued a fatwa this week that says going through airport scanners violates Islamic rules on modesty and is therefore unacceptable! Surely that’s the best joke we’ve heard for years!

And here’s another good one: “Israel is going too far by increasingly assassinating terrorists across the Middle East, a senior Palestinian official in Ramallah told London-based newspaper The Times”. Going too far! Hilarious! Mussulmanics are such wags! Such wags! The two pictured certainly find such jokes funny.

Monday, 15 February 2010


Britain’s first Sikh judge, now retired, insists that Sikh boys ought to be permitted to take their daggers to school with them because it’s part of their religion. Elsewhere a judge has ruled that a Hindu is permitted to have himself cremated on an open-air funeral pyre, despite it always having been against the law, because it’s part of his religion. Frit, who recently converted to worshiping Mesoamerican god Huitzilopochtli is now asking a judge for the right to cut the hearts out of living human children as offerings to Huitzilopochtli and to chop up the rest of their bodies into choice joints to share with relatives for Sunday dinner because it’s part of his new religion. As both Sikhs and Hindus have also practiced a lot of human sacrificing in their time, Frit thinks it only fair that they should have the same rights granted to them too.

Friday, 12 February 2010

Instant mash

Frit has written to Iranian goblin Madmood Madjihadimad requesting explanation as to why none of us were fried yesterday, as promised, and demanding Iran now purchase the excess stocks of dried potato and corned beef Frit panic bought and now has somehow to shift.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Putting the feet up for Allah

Of course he puts his feet on the desk. First, he’s a slob from the gutter; second, revealing the soles of the shoes to people is the Mussulmanic way of showing disrespect.

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

February 11

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day the asylum took over Persia and all the sane Persians sought asylum elsewhere. It is also the day upon which Madmood Madjihadimad, the blood-soaked goblin who rules that country by force and deceit, has promised to deal us a telling blow. Today, Frit is puzzled to read that we are unveiling a plan to help the same goblin who threatens us to buy some nice “medical isotopes”. Under the table in the cellar, surrounded by the fruits of panic buying, Frit is confused and is now prepared to convert to Mussulmanicism at any time anybody sees fit.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Taliban better watch out at ten o’clock on Monday

Frit reads that General McChrystal, in charge of efforts in Afghastlystan, has been dropping leaflets on the Taliban (Tiresome Allah’s Little Illiterate Addled Nitwits) warning them they will be attacked this week. The planned attack has been reported extensively on the news all over the world for days. This is such a smart and devious strategy for winning a battle. Frit has it on good authority that Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan and the Duke of Wellington always made a point of informing the enemy exactly when and where they were about to attack, well in advance. As we all know, the biggest mistake made by the allies in the Second World War was to keep all the preparations for the D-Day landings a secret. So many allied lives would have been saved had they notified the enemy in good time!

Message to the soldiers of the NATO forces: get your guns and force McChrystal to walk ahead of you.

Monday, 8 February 2010

White House turned into shrine

Frit, posing as a lowly voluntary slave hard at work cultivating fried chicken, collard greens and cotton in the White House vegetable garden with nothing to look forward to in life except for being buried in an Obama T-shirt one day, secretly snuck indoors to find the entire building hung from top to bottom with images of the current occupants. He also took this photograph of the Worst Lady working out nearby. Notice the hula hoop she uses is shaped like an “O”. These people are self obsessed.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Smelly human badger in trouble

The UN’s chief warmer, a vegetarian who probably makes more money from warming than even Great Gore, and who wears the suits to prove it, is now under pressure to cease holding that office. People in India, his home country, are very disappointed in him. Not because his aim has always been to decrease methane output from farm animals by increasing methane output from human beings through forcing us all to eat nothing but horrible greens, but because he has been caught falsifying climate change claims in the most childish manner. He should straight away be invited to leave the UN building for ever and to suffer the embarrassment of standing behind himself in the lift as he does so.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Palestinians and polar bears unite

Frit thanks Osama Bin Laden for publicly confirming what we all already new, i.e. that Jihad and warming are two sides of the same coin (Jihad = Jews In Hearses Are Dandy). Palestinians and polar bears are thus officially one and the same cause. Logical, both like to wallow in blood.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Supreme Leader, such a nice guy

Ayatollah Rucola Mousavi Khomania, the “magnificently clear-sighted, single-minded and unswerving one”, believed that “non-Muslims, like urine, excrement, blood, wine, sweat, etc., were one of eleven impure things contact with which requires major ritual washing”, married a girl of 13 and said “I say let this land [Iran] burn. I say let this land go up in smoke, provided Islam emerges triumphant in the rest of the world". Pictured here in the full Monty, left, and in his spare time attire, right, he was nothing but a bigoted dirty old child and goat molesting Scottish nationalist sow.

Monday, 1 February 2010

Teachers cut and run

Machu Picchu, meaning “Old Shed” and pronounced Måãåçhŭ Pïï©ĉŭ, is a stone shed in Peru constructed by some backward people in 1430, several thousand years after stone sheds of very much higher quality were constructed elsewhere in the world. Those who rule us have declared Machu Picchu a world heritage site and have made it one of their places of pilgrimage, ignoring, as best they can, the fact that the entire shed was most likely constructed for the sole purpose of sacrificing human children to the man in the sun by pinning them to a big stone and cutting out their living hearts. Those who rule us flock there in droves to atone for the sins of the invading white man, to haggle over the prices of a ride on a llama with poor people and pretend they are there for the sake of those poor people instead of for their own. But, last week, the scene was spoiled when the spirits of the long gone Incas rose up to perform a rain dance that swelled the rivers, washed away the roads and the accommodation and plunged thousands into a grisly real life situation with neither food nor shelter. For an explanation of what happened next, i.e. when helicopters were eventually sent to airlift them out and those who rule us readily paid bribes to make sure they got out first so that only the “backpackers” were left behind (in other words the young, their students), please see the “What is the terrible fact” section in the right-hand column of this blog.