Thursday 10 April 2008

In vino veritas


Those who rule over us are complaining about drinking and driving again.

One evening, when Frit and Mrs Frit were walking down a mountain in the Alps, they passed by a mountain hut where three very drunken old men were saying their goodbyes after an obvious drawn out drinking session. Two of these staggered off homeward down a steep meadow, Laurel and Hardy fashion. The third, the landlord of the establishment, went back inside and started closing up.

Ten minutes later, a good way further along the track leading downwards, Frit and Mrs Frit heard the sound of a vehicle approaching from behind. “Good God”, said Frit to Mrs Frit, “It’s the drunken landlord driving home”. As the ground on one side of the track went alarmingly and endlessly down, Frit and Mrs Frit quickly climbed up the bank on the other side to remove themselves from harm. Half a minute later the landlord came round the bend in his pickup full of beer crates, hunched over the wheel, peering forwards with concentration, carefully proceeding down the mountain track along the edge of the precipice at about walking speed.

Early next morning, in the town down below, Frit stood at the side of the road, waiting to cross, when who should drive by in his pickup but the landlord of the evening before. Sober, he drove hunched over the wheel, peering forwards with concentration, proceeding along the road at about twice walking speed.

From this, Frit was quick to formulate the following equations:

a) careful and considerate drivers who always drive within the limits of their capabilities + drink = less competent careful and considerate drivers who always drive within the limits of their capabilities
b) reckless and inconsiderate drivers who always drive at the limit of their capabilities + drink = certain death for someone

Sadly, most drivers fit into the latter category (and this goes double for those supposed to enforce the law). To avoid confronting this disgraceful issue, society puts the blame on the drink, not on the driver. So we can all carry on driving round the blind bend on two wheels as fast as we possibly can, under the assumption that no children are playing in the middle of the road on the other side rather than under the assumption that some are. If they are it’s their own fault. We can mow down as many as we like. As long as we’ve had nothing to drink we’re in the clear.

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