New Afghastlystan strategy – lose but pretend to win in eighteen months

At the end of the Second World War, advance American forces approached a small German town. Shots were fired and those defending the town surrendered. The Americans disarmed all the adult males in the town and put them in an adjacent field. They posted six men to guard them until the next unit came along to process them and then pushed on. Once they had departed the hardliners amongst the prisoners overpowered and killed the guards then drove the rest of the prisoners back into the town. When the follow-up American unit arrived and learned what had happened it called in air strikes and bombed the town fairly flat.

In Afghastlystan, by comparison, the locals jump out into the streets for some handouts when infidel forces arrive in town but flee to the fields when the Taliban call by. This is the wrong way round. It happens because the locals know that, when shot at, the infidels have to make 50 phone calls to obtain permission to shoot back, which might or might not be given, whereas the Taliban just torture you then chop off your head. It is crucial to any conflict that the locals are more afraid of you than they are of your enemy. Only then do they hand the enemy over and the war stops.

The new Afghastlystan strategy unveiled yesterday by the Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President includes none of Frit’s crucial goals, i.e. destroying opium production there, preventing Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and depriving Pakistan of the nuclear weapons it already possesses, because these are not his goals. The Multimillionaire White Mohammedan Nobel Laureate Joker President’s goal is essentially to make that country into a place for getting rid of US soldiery at a much faster rate than has applied up to now. The idea is for Afghastlystan to eventually consume all US and other infidel armed forces in entirety and leave the way free for global Sharia.

Frit took this photograph of General McChrystal receiving instructions on how to tie both arms of his men behind their backs instead of one.